Naughty Mommy

Ugh...this whole blogging thing eludes me. Seriously, I SUCK AT IT!! Here we are almost a year later and I am just now posting. Daddy, on the other hand, left a sweet message for his boys below. YAY DADDY!

Well, here are some current pics of our love nuggets: Kieran (pictured enjoying his cake pop!) is 19 months old and is the sweetest, cutest little baby quickly turning toddler on us. (sigh...)

Kaleb (pictured at his 4th bday party) is the spunkiest, funniest little dude. I could write a book with the stuff that comes out of his mouth, seriously.

I always told myself that I would never be one of "those parents" that talked about their kids all the time but alas, here I am and well, there they are.

Oh how we love these boys...

A letter to my sons

My Dearest Kaleb and Kieran;

On this day, I’m struck by my own mortality.

I’m struck by the blessings that followed your births. These blessings are not only in the forms that are the both of you but the lessons and perspectives learned and to be learned, because of you both.

On this day, I’m struck by unending love and devotion, which empowers my entire being, due to the both of you. I’m struck by pride, which swells in my heart and soul for each and every little “thing” that each of you do. I’m struck by sheer awe, gratitude and reverence, which accompanies me each and every evening in seeing your mother care for you both.

On this day, I’m struck by my misgivings and faults in contrast to your innocence and purity. I’m struck by the naiveté I once possessed and still possess, in believing that I know exactly how to raise you both and what to teach you both. I’m struck by my inability to always be there for you both and to always protect you both. I’m struck by helplessness in knowing that you two perfect creatures are left in the care of this flawed human being.

I’m struck by shame in knowing that one day, you will truly know me.

I’m struck by gravitas in knowing that someday…one day…we will forever be apart.

I’m struck by resoluteness in knowing you will always be watched over. I’m struck by humility in knowing that this person…this being...is not me.

I’m struck with hope and faith in knowing that one day, you will truly know me.

I’m struck by peace in knowing that someday…one day…we will forever be together.

I’m struck by great joy in knowing that you both will be better friends, better men, better brothers, better sons, better fathers and better husbands, than I.

I’m struck.

I love you both more than any words can express.
-Dad

Happy Easter

What a fun weekend spent with great friends!!
Friday evening we went to dinner with our friends Brad and Whitney (Whitney was my little Sis at OU) and they are expecting twin boys in early August!! I couldn't be happier for them!

Saturday I got to see with Janae who I hadn't hung out with since her birthday....always a great time!

Today was Easter and we went to Easter service with my friend, Jill and her family. I got to meet her brother, Scott and his fiance', Jen...what an awesome family. We had a delicious brunch at Cork and to top it off, Kaleb and Ethan are just too cute together. They love to hold hands and give each other hugs-it's adorable to watch. Such great buddies!

I was humbled by our service today and pondered what this day truly means.

Thank you God for the gift of Jesus and Your promised fulfilled in the empty tomb. On this day and every day may our hearts never be empty but rather filled with the joy, faith and hope of what is to come.

Not really random at all....

I try to look each day for inspiration.....in a poem, a Bible verse, a sunset. Some days it's harder to find than others. But tonight, it was sitting right across the table from me. When most people plan their birthdays, it's all about them. After all, they are celebrating THEIR birth so, rightly so! They plan a spa day complete with a massage and pedi, a shopping day, dinner and drinks with friends and the like. But not her.... One of my dearest besties, Janae was dreading turning thirty...well, something or other this year. Instead of doing all the things listed above and crossing yet another day off her calendar she decided to do something different. Very different. She devoted her entire birthday to doing thirty (some-odd) random acts of kindness. She took water bottles to construction workers and homeless people, she took balloons to kids at the park, she even took handmade cards to an elderly care center and children's hospital, you name it and she had her kindness all OVER IT! What an amazing example she has set for all of us to look outside ourselves for a moment and to try to do things for other people. This is not surprising though coming from her. Janae has always been one of the kindest, most caring people I have ever known. Her kindness is anything but random. JJ-I was honored to get to get to spend an evening with you to share in your special day. Thanks for sharing your heart with others at a time in your life when no one would blame you for being a little selfish. You are such an inspiration to me and all those around you. You are kind to your core and that is one of the many reasons I love you!! MUAH! Check out a recap of her day here!!

it's raining....

On this rainy Saturday, I am reflective and thankful for a lot....

The new buds on our trees because it means spring is on it's way.

A little boy that wipes his peanut butter hands on his shirt because it means he has enough to eat.

A baby boy that spits up on my newly washed shirt because it means he has too much to eat.

A husband that has to send emails and make phone calls on a "family day" because it means he has a job.

A rainbow in the distance because it means that God keeps His promises and we are loved.

The rain and the dark clouds that come with it because it makes the sunshine just that much sweeter....

What are you thankful for??

Struggling >> A Note From the Hubby

I have been struggling lately in coming to terms with how such a wicked and morally challenged person has been so blessed.

I read article-after-article of the atrocities and injustices that our fellow man, woman and child experience everyday with no fault other than being born in the wrong village, wrong city, wrong country, wrong continent…at the wrong time.

I read book-after-book of brave, righteous and graceful human beings, which have endured not only loss of financial means but also loss of family, loss of faith, loss of love…loss of dignity.

And I ask myself, why me?

Many of you reading this are fully aware of what I have done to my wife. To commit the ultimate of ultimate betrayals, and yet…she loves me.

Why?

To embrace my eldest son and him trust me implicitly, to do the right thing, to love me unconditionally, to believe that I am HIS superman.

Why?

To hold my baby boy and him gaze upon my figure with the naiveté that comes with a baby, but with piercing eyes that say, I know you and I love you.

Why?

To be clear, I am a wicked and morally challenged human being. Only by the grace of God and the grace of Family and Friends, am I here today. It’s only by this grace that I am not in prison or dead. So again, I ask the eternal question that many of us ask ourselves at one point in our lives…why me?

Not in the sense of Why Me, as in some horrible and tragic event has transpired, but in the sense of why am I blessed? Maybe it is the Catholic in me and the inherent guilt many of us “recovering” Catholics have burdened, but I believe the root lies far deeper.

I struggle…

Every day, I struggle to make the right decisions, to make the right choices not because there is a penalty for doing the wrong “thing”, but to make the right decisions and make the right choices because they are RIGHT.

Christians always say that God knows our hearts…this scares the S**T out of me. Is it enough for God to know that I struggle and within the struggle is the beauty and forgiveness?

You may be asking why am I posting this existential, quasi-nihilistic rhetoric on a family blog…it is because of what I have learned.

The answer to the Why is…

To be the Husband, Amy deserves.
To be the Father, Kaleb and Kieran deserve.
To be the Son, Laura and Alfredo deserve.
To be the Brother, Pamela, Jeremy and Lawrence deserve.
To be the Grandson, Lilia deserves.
To be the Friend, you all deserve.

To be the Son, that God planned for me to be.

I am blessed, despite my past and my struggles, so that I may share my blessings.

I cannot control the genocides that occur in Africa and South East Asia. I cannot control the unemployment rate in this country and the rest of the world. I cannot control the social and political polarization of this country. I cannot control the myriad of other injustice, hate, evil and indifference in this world.

I can barely control myself.

What I can control, however, is being the person that I need to be…the person that my family needs me to be.

To my wife, I love you.

I love you more than the contrived show of my proposal.
I love you more than any ring on your finger.
I love you more than any words spoken on August 17, 2002.
I love you more than any trip, to any country.
I love you more than the Easy Decision.
I will love you until the day I go home.

To my eldest son, I love you.

I love you more than an infinite parade of balloons.
I love you more than Ube Ice Cream.
I love you more than a Strawberry Tootsie Roll Pop.
I love you more than a trip to the Golf Store.
I love you more than the Wrong Decision.
I will love you until the day I go home.

To my baby boy, I love you.

I love you more than a Sophie squeaky toy.
I love you more than new animal bed sheets.
I love you more than a Bumbo.
I love you more than a fluffy, giraffe blanket.
I love you more than the Wrong Choice.
I will love you until the day I go home.

To myself, I’ll try to love you.

I’ll love you despite the mistakes you’ve made.
I’ll love you despite the mistakes you’re making.
I’ll love you despite the mistakes you’re going to make.
I’ll love you despite the pain you’ve caused.

I’ll love you because Amy, Kaleb, Kieran, Laura, Alfredo, Pamela, Jeremy, Lawrence, Lilia and countless of other people love you.

I’ll love you because God does.

Thank you for bearing with me.
-Alf

I killed McQueen...

Lightning McQueen, that is...

He was driving me crazy! With those big white eyes always staring at me when I walked by. And that goofy smile...cars are not supposed to smile! He would sit in the corner of our dining room and scare me at night when I least expected it. I waited and waited for him to die on his own but he simply wouldn't. 31 days he lived. 31 days too long. I had to do it.

When Kaleb went to sleep on Friday, I saw my opportunity. Maybe he wouldn't even notice. So I took out my scissors and I did it. It was fast, he didn't even scream that much.

Good-bye Lightning...you were so good to my boy but you had to go.



And Kaleb didn't even notice he was gone....



until he threw away the wrapper to his fruit rope. Oops!

Labor of Love

I always laugh when I watch those scenes in movies where a woman's water breaks and she immediately starts contracting every 2 minutes like it's time to start pushing.
I guess in the interest of time, I get it...but it still annoys me.
My experience was MUCH different than that.

Around noon on Saturday, July 24th, I was helping carry baby shower gifts to my friend Meghan's car when it happened. Yes, I was at a baby shower when I felt a trickle run down my leg. My first thought was...
oh great! Am I really at that point in my pregnancy that I am starting to pee on myself??
Then it occured to me...I can't stop this pee! Maybe it's not PEE at all!!

I remember looking at my friend, Liz and saying "I think my water just broke!"
And that was all I remember...the rest was a blurred mixture of screams, gasps, Ashley looking up my skirt to see if it did infact break (this I didn't find out until later!ha!) and ended with Meghan driving my car to my house for me so I could go to the hospital.

I couldn't get ahold of Alf b/c he had turned off his ringer so he and Kaleb could enjoy an afternoon nap.

**Note to husbands out there: TURNING OFF YOUR PHONE WHEN YOUR WIFE IS 9 MONTHS PREGNANT AND COULD POP AT ANY MOMENT IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA.

When I walked in the door and Alf heard what happened, he freaked. I don't know who was more nervous/anxious/excited...him or me! Before I knew it, water was gushing all over our dining room floor, Kaleb was with Liz and we were headed to the hospital. (Thank you Liz!!)

Once we checked in at Mercy-Gilbert, the nerves settled and we had a nice little conversation with a couple in the waiting room. I was wheeled back into an exam room and waited for the interrogation to begin. The questions they ask you are so bizarre. I remember thinking...would they be asking me this stuff if I was in very active labor? Because they would probably hear some choice 4 letter words for answers.

I totally forgot I still had a beach towel stuck in between my legs until a nurse pulled it out and said...I don't think we'll need this anymore. Then she proceeded to give me a mattress pad to put between my legs. Those bad boys mean business...nothing is getting past those!
Alf and I talked and laughed, we sent some texts, talked to nurses and I had yet to have a single contraction. When I heard the word "Pitocin" I knew that was about to change....this was about 3:30pm.

About 4pm I was hooked up to a Pitocin drip and the contractions started almost immediately. I tried to lay back and relax and Alf started a movie in our room. I didn't get through 15 min of it before I started feeling the contractions. After the second one, I called the nurse and asked if I could have an epidural. (I know, I'm a total weenie!) I was already dilated to a 4 so she was happy to oblige.

The anesthesiologist was a DREAM...so gentle and very cute to boot! Then, after he gave me the happy stuff he asked if he could pray with us. Ummm, YES! His prayer was so perfect and it was exactly what I needed to help me feel grounded and prepare myself for labor. After he left, it wasn't long before I was dilated to a 7.

And then, it started.

First it was just a little itch on my tummy. Then I started itching on my back. Then it became uncontrollable itching all over my body. I scratched and scratched until my skin was raw. I called in the nurse and told her what was going on. She said I was having an allergic reaction to the epidural and she could give me benadryl for it but it could affect Kieran. I wasn't up for anything affecting my little man, so I suffered through it. She wet a rag for me and I just kept wiping my tummy (which was where it was the worst). My whole body was red from me scratching and I really could've hurt myself considering I couldn't tell how hard I was scratching from the waist down!

It seemed like the nurse only came back in a couple more times before she said it was time to start pushing. I couldn't believe it. But I've only been in labor for like 5 hours....it's only 9:30pm. How can it be time to start pushing?
I was in labor for almost 26 hours with Kaleb, so you can imagine my amazement :) (yes, you read that right, TWENTY SIX HOURS. good times.)

I pushed for only about 20 minutes and he was out. His big eyes were the first thing I saw. He had them open so wide and when they put him on my chest, he was just staring at me, not making a sound. Everything else faded to black...I couldn't believe he was here. He was wrinkled, he was tiny, he was perfect. I instantly fell head over heels for him. He was so relaxed and so sweet. His demeanor has yet to change. He is such a chill baby. I can't wait to see his little personality, to watch him grow and change. I know it will fly.
And with this being our last, I will try to slow down. Try to take it all in.
The gurgles, the smiles, the baby smell. (sigh)
I could just eat him.

I mean, in just 3 short months, he has already gone from.....

THIS



TO THIS....

My little slice of heaven on earth

He has tiny dark hairs on his ears, the softest skin on his feet and dimples that will one day drive the girls crazy.

And he's mine.

I'm so in love.
He sleeps well, he eats really well and he seldom cries. He snuggles, he squeaks and if you kiss his lips, he will open his mouth wide and kiss you back. (at least that's what I tell myself but I know he really just wants more boob:-) He's the sweetest thing ever and I couldn't be more happy.
It has been a whirlwind of emotions for the past almost 3 weeks but one thing I do know is that I already can't imagine my life without this little dude.

In my last post, I was very apprehensive about his arrival. I was anxious about how he would fit into our family and if I'm honest, about how he would fit into my heart.
But in this short amount of time, he has wedged his way in and I am one changed Momma. I look at Kaleb and my heart bursts at how much I love him and I still deal with the guilt of completely changing his world. But he has already taken to Kieran and is so loving with him. He already is and will be such a great big brother.
I can't wait to see them interact, become buddies and watch their brotherly bond grow.

In fact, it's already started...



PS...stay tuned for my labor story-it's a good one!

final countdown

It's 9:39pm on Friday night and I'm 10 days out from my due date. I have had roughly 20 contractions off and on all day. There for a few hours they were pretty consistent and I started to panic. It's really about to happen. If not today, someday and someday SOON!

If I am honest, there is still a part of me that wants to hold onto this life I know now. Just me, Alf and Kaleb.

We have it down....

We know each other. We get each other and it...well, works.
Kaleb is so easy now. He sleeps well, he eats well, he's almost potty trained and he's just plain fun.
Selfishly, I'm not ready to give myself up to someone else. To give up my body to crazy pain and recovery, to give up my sleep, my routine, my comfort. I keep telling myself it will be easier this time, that I won't experience the same pitfalls and problems.

But I'm scared.

My mind is catapulted back to 2 1/2 years ago and the anxiety creeps in. I try to push it away but it wants to stay like an unwelcomed guest.
The first few months of Kaleb's life were very difficult for me, for us. We didn't adjust well quickly to being new parents and I don't think I ever fully dealt with those emotions. And now here I am, only DAYS away from giving birth to another little one and it's hitting me. hard.

This is just one of the many things I have to give over to God, b/c I have no control over what's about to happen. The only thing I have control over is how I react to what happens.

In my heart, I know that everything in the end will be fine. That I will power through it and we will love this little man just as much as we love and adore Kaleb. It's just the process of getting to that point.

I feel guilty even rereading what I've typed but I had to get it out. I have to be real. I have to be me.

Your Hands by JJ Heller

I can't stop listening to this song...what a comfort to know that no matter what we go through, we are forever held in God's hands.

Pho Sho!!

Kaleb wants to use chopsticks for everything and when I say everything...I mean, even his waffles. So when we introduced him to the Vietnamese dish, Pho, he was on it like white on rice.
Any excuse to use chopsticks and slurp soup, please!
This is a pic of him at our new fave place, Cyclo. There is an old woman that works there and she LOVES Kaleb. She always comes up and touches him and then sits down close to our table and stares at him the whole time. It's so sweet and creepy all at once.
I hope he always has an interest in trying new foods b/c that is so important to us both. You can learn so much about different cultures by their foods.
Cyclo is a must in our restaurant repertoire and if you've never been....you must!
And say hello to the old woman for Kaleb :)

More potty talk

Well, if anyone needs a urine sample from Kaleb they could easily find it on the floor of Jeepers Indoor Amusement Park in Mesa, AZ. *sigh*

Let's just say Thursday didn't go as well as I had hoped.

But thinking back on it, it was completely my fault. Did I really expect my 2 year old that had only been potty training for 3 days to stop riding the train, carousel, toy boats, motorcycles or huge tunnel playground and come tell me, "Mama, please take me to the bathroom, I need to PEE!!"
It's times like that I think I have lost all my braincells to this new babe growing inside me...seriously.
Since then, I learned my lesson and (thanks to the advice of my wise friend, Ashley)I don't have to be such a stickler to the rule of ABSOLUTELY NO DIAPERS NO MATTER WHAT. After all, Julie Fellom (the woman who's potty training program I am following) doesn't have to clean up after him.
So now, anytime we leave the house I make him potty right before we leave, put a diaper on him and then just take him to the potty several times when we are out.
That way, if he has an accident-the diaper comes to the rescue and Mommy is a little less stressed! Ok, A LOT less stressed...

He did great today! Absolutely NO ACCIDENTS!! NONE! And everytime we came home and I took off his diaper-it was dry!!

This little man is getting it, and I couldn't be more proud. I know there is still a LONG road ahead and he will have his accidents here and there but I will celebrate his amazing progress in such a short time and leave it at that.

I will also leave you with this picture...I think it speaks not only to Kaleb's love of music but also that he is pretty much taking this whole potty training thing in stride. Wow, I love this kid.

The Potty Don't Stop

Yesterday was filled with it's own struggles. Both of us were incredibly cranky from staying inside for 2 days and let's just say we had a little after lunch "incident" that almost left both of us crying. I'll spare you all the details, but basically Kaleb threw a tantrum that landed him in his room directly after lunch and since he hadn't gone potty since before lunch, he decided to retaliate and pee all over his bedroom floor.
Score-
Kaleb:1 Mommy:0

The rest of the day was much better though...including when Kaleb saved his 30 minute poop session for after his Daddy came home ;-)
Fortunately that was it for Day 2.
Grand total for that day:
Poops in potty: 3
Pees in potty: lost count
1 pee accident (but really on purpose) ha!

Today actually has been so great. Kaleb takes himself to the potty, claps for himself and tells me play-by-play what is occuring while he's on his big white throne. He's done really well, much better than I anticipated. We even ventured outside for a couple of hours this morning and he told me he needed to pee so we came back inside.
Then later in the evening we went to dinner, just the two of us b/c Alf was working late. When we sat down to eat, I heard Kaleb say "Uh oh, Mama!" and I noticed a wet spot down the front of his shorts.
After a quick change of clothes and wash session in the bathroom, we were back in business. Now at least he knows what it feels like to pee on himself and it's not a good thing!

Grand total for today:
Poops in potty: 3
Pees in potty: 11 (he is getting better at holding it, too!)
and 1 pee accident

The real test will be tomorrow though. We are meeting some friends and their kids for a playdate and lunch that will last at least 2 hours. Hopefully he won't feel the need to christen the floor. :-)
Stay tuned...

It's Pot-ty Time Y'all!!

Sometimes I think I'm crazy but I prefer to call myself....ambitious. That just sounds better anyway. By all accounts, boys are way harder to potty train than girls and the average age for boys to be potty trained is 3. Kaleb is only 2 and 4 months. Not to mention I am WEEKS away (6 to be exact or anytime in between) from giving birth to another bouncing baby boy. gulp.

But the thought of having only one child in diapers makes me giddy sooooooo what I am doing this week?? Staying cooped up in my house with a rambunctious toddler and attempting to get him to go poop and pee in the potty and not on my floor/couch/bed or anywhere else his naked hiney will take him.

Today actually went way better than I expected. I took off his diaper as soon as he woke up, put a portable potty in the living room and a toddler potty seat on top of both toilets in each of our bathrooms and prayed for patience.
Kaleb was into it from the start. He loves sitting on the potty and watching himself go. After a successful morning poo and several pees in the potty, I must admit I was getting a little arrogant. Why do people say this is so hard?

Then it happened.

I got distracted while on the phone with my Mom and the next thing I know Kaleb is painting our living room rug with urine. I tried to not make a big deal of it, quickly cleaning it up and reminding him where the pee goes. He must've been listening b/c not twenty minutes later he told me he wanted to go to the potty so he wouldn't "Go pee on da floor, Mama."

By the end of a long day, the grand total was 3 poops in the potty, I honestly lost count of the number of pees and only 2 pee accidents.
Not too shabby for a first day!! Let's see what tomorrow brings...

Maternity photo shoot

I wasn't up for taking traditional maternity pics this time around...I guess I had kind of a "been there/done that" mentality about it. But my amazing friend, Liz, came to the rescue!! She is such a great photographer and it's been fun watching her grow to find her own personal style through the years.
She found this graffiti wall in downtown Chandler and was dying to try it out! I am so unbelievably happy with how the pics turned out.
Here are a few of the shots I love:

The last couple of months in pics!!

Ok, I have been SLAAAACKING on this blog thang....we have been to Texas, San Francisco and we just celebrated my 3rd Mother's Day!! I honestly cannot believe I am about to be a Mommy to another little precious dude in just 2 1/2 months. My life will change in so many ways. Good ways though! Here are just a few of my fave pics!
Enjoy!

Kaleb and his cousin HANK!

Love me some Hank!

Kaleb and I with his Great Grandpa!!

Daddy come with me to the water!

K and I at sunset

M Day at Ocotillo Country Club

She's crafty

I am so excited to say that I sold my first tie T-shirt!! I have been making them for awhile for Kaleb and some of my friend's little boys but this is my first actual sale!
Yippee!

I feel so.....CRAFTY!

It feels good to enjoy doing something AND to get paid for it!
Hmmm, a new business perhaps? Maybe. Maybe not.
I think I will have to become a lot more familiar with my sewing machine and expand the clothing line a bit before a business even becomes a consideration.

After all, not everyone can wear tie T-shirts.

Well, not everyone can wear tie T-shirts and look this cute anyway ;-)

Weekend Funny

Kaleb: "Momma, I need medicine."

Me: "Oh, no. What's wrong? Why do you need medicine?"

Kaleb: (with one hand on his forehead, the other on his chest and the most pouty lips known to man)

"I need medicine cuz I huwt my feewings."


Where do they get this stuff?? :-)