I killed McQueen...

Lightning McQueen, that is...

He was driving me crazy! With those big white eyes always staring at me when I walked by. And that goofy smile...cars are not supposed to smile! He would sit in the corner of our dining room and scare me at night when I least expected it. I waited and waited for him to die on his own but he simply wouldn't. 31 days he lived. 31 days too long. I had to do it.

When Kaleb went to sleep on Friday, I saw my opportunity. Maybe he wouldn't even notice. So I took out my scissors and I did it. It was fast, he didn't even scream that much.

Good-bye Lightning...you were so good to my boy but you had to go.



And Kaleb didn't even notice he was gone....



until he threw away the wrapper to his fruit rope. Oops!

Labor of Love

I always laugh when I watch those scenes in movies where a woman's water breaks and she immediately starts contracting every 2 minutes like it's time to start pushing.
I guess in the interest of time, I get it...but it still annoys me.
My experience was MUCH different than that.

Around noon on Saturday, July 24th, I was helping carry baby shower gifts to my friend Meghan's car when it happened. Yes, I was at a baby shower when I felt a trickle run down my leg. My first thought was...
oh great! Am I really at that point in my pregnancy that I am starting to pee on myself??
Then it occured to me...I can't stop this pee! Maybe it's not PEE at all!!

I remember looking at my friend, Liz and saying "I think my water just broke!"
And that was all I remember...the rest was a blurred mixture of screams, gasps, Ashley looking up my skirt to see if it did infact break (this I didn't find out until later!ha!) and ended with Meghan driving my car to my house for me so I could go to the hospital.

I couldn't get ahold of Alf b/c he had turned off his ringer so he and Kaleb could enjoy an afternoon nap.

**Note to husbands out there: TURNING OFF YOUR PHONE WHEN YOUR WIFE IS 9 MONTHS PREGNANT AND COULD POP AT ANY MOMENT IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA.

When I walked in the door and Alf heard what happened, he freaked. I don't know who was more nervous/anxious/excited...him or me! Before I knew it, water was gushing all over our dining room floor, Kaleb was with Liz and we were headed to the hospital. (Thank you Liz!!)

Once we checked in at Mercy-Gilbert, the nerves settled and we had a nice little conversation with a couple in the waiting room. I was wheeled back into an exam room and waited for the interrogation to begin. The questions they ask you are so bizarre. I remember thinking...would they be asking me this stuff if I was in very active labor? Because they would probably hear some choice 4 letter words for answers.

I totally forgot I still had a beach towel stuck in between my legs until a nurse pulled it out and said...I don't think we'll need this anymore. Then she proceeded to give me a mattress pad to put between my legs. Those bad boys mean business...nothing is getting past those!
Alf and I talked and laughed, we sent some texts, talked to nurses and I had yet to have a single contraction. When I heard the word "Pitocin" I knew that was about to change....this was about 3:30pm.

About 4pm I was hooked up to a Pitocin drip and the contractions started almost immediately. I tried to lay back and relax and Alf started a movie in our room. I didn't get through 15 min of it before I started feeling the contractions. After the second one, I called the nurse and asked if I could have an epidural. (I know, I'm a total weenie!) I was already dilated to a 4 so she was happy to oblige.

The anesthesiologist was a DREAM...so gentle and very cute to boot! Then, after he gave me the happy stuff he asked if he could pray with us. Ummm, YES! His prayer was so perfect and it was exactly what I needed to help me feel grounded and prepare myself for labor. After he left, it wasn't long before I was dilated to a 7.

And then, it started.

First it was just a little itch on my tummy. Then I started itching on my back. Then it became uncontrollable itching all over my body. I scratched and scratched until my skin was raw. I called in the nurse and told her what was going on. She said I was having an allergic reaction to the epidural and she could give me benadryl for it but it could affect Kieran. I wasn't up for anything affecting my little man, so I suffered through it. She wet a rag for me and I just kept wiping my tummy (which was where it was the worst). My whole body was red from me scratching and I really could've hurt myself considering I couldn't tell how hard I was scratching from the waist down!

It seemed like the nurse only came back in a couple more times before she said it was time to start pushing. I couldn't believe it. But I've only been in labor for like 5 hours....it's only 9:30pm. How can it be time to start pushing?
I was in labor for almost 26 hours with Kaleb, so you can imagine my amazement :) (yes, you read that right, TWENTY SIX HOURS. good times.)

I pushed for only about 20 minutes and he was out. His big eyes were the first thing I saw. He had them open so wide and when they put him on my chest, he was just staring at me, not making a sound. Everything else faded to black...I couldn't believe he was here. He was wrinkled, he was tiny, he was perfect. I instantly fell head over heels for him. He was so relaxed and so sweet. His demeanor has yet to change. He is such a chill baby. I can't wait to see his little personality, to watch him grow and change. I know it will fly.
And with this being our last, I will try to slow down. Try to take it all in.
The gurgles, the smiles, the baby smell. (sigh)
I could just eat him.

I mean, in just 3 short months, he has already gone from.....

THIS



TO THIS....

My little slice of heaven on earth

He has tiny dark hairs on his ears, the softest skin on his feet and dimples that will one day drive the girls crazy.

And he's mine.

I'm so in love.
He sleeps well, he eats really well and he seldom cries. He snuggles, he squeaks and if you kiss his lips, he will open his mouth wide and kiss you back. (at least that's what I tell myself but I know he really just wants more boob:-) He's the sweetest thing ever and I couldn't be more happy.
It has been a whirlwind of emotions for the past almost 3 weeks but one thing I do know is that I already can't imagine my life without this little dude.

In my last post, I was very apprehensive about his arrival. I was anxious about how he would fit into our family and if I'm honest, about how he would fit into my heart.
But in this short amount of time, he has wedged his way in and I am one changed Momma. I look at Kaleb and my heart bursts at how much I love him and I still deal with the guilt of completely changing his world. But he has already taken to Kieran and is so loving with him. He already is and will be such a great big brother.
I can't wait to see them interact, become buddies and watch their brotherly bond grow.

In fact, it's already started...



PS...stay tuned for my labor story-it's a good one!

final countdown

It's 9:39pm on Friday night and I'm 10 days out from my due date. I have had roughly 20 contractions off and on all day. There for a few hours they were pretty consistent and I started to panic. It's really about to happen. If not today, someday and someday SOON!

If I am honest, there is still a part of me that wants to hold onto this life I know now. Just me, Alf and Kaleb.

We have it down....

We know each other. We get each other and it...well, works.
Kaleb is so easy now. He sleeps well, he eats well, he's almost potty trained and he's just plain fun.
Selfishly, I'm not ready to give myself up to someone else. To give up my body to crazy pain and recovery, to give up my sleep, my routine, my comfort. I keep telling myself it will be easier this time, that I won't experience the same pitfalls and problems.

But I'm scared.

My mind is catapulted back to 2 1/2 years ago and the anxiety creeps in. I try to push it away but it wants to stay like an unwelcomed guest.
The first few months of Kaleb's life were very difficult for me, for us. We didn't adjust well quickly to being new parents and I don't think I ever fully dealt with those emotions. And now here I am, only DAYS away from giving birth to another little one and it's hitting me. hard.

This is just one of the many things I have to give over to God, b/c I have no control over what's about to happen. The only thing I have control over is how I react to what happens.

In my heart, I know that everything in the end will be fine. That I will power through it and we will love this little man just as much as we love and adore Kaleb. It's just the process of getting to that point.

I feel guilty even rereading what I've typed but I had to get it out. I have to be real. I have to be me.

Your Hands by JJ Heller

I can't stop listening to this song...what a comfort to know that no matter what we go through, we are forever held in God's hands.

Pho Sho!!

Kaleb wants to use chopsticks for everything and when I say everything...I mean, even his waffles. So when we introduced him to the Vietnamese dish, Pho, he was on it like white on rice.
Any excuse to use chopsticks and slurp soup, please!
This is a pic of him at our new fave place, Cyclo. There is an old woman that works there and she LOVES Kaleb. She always comes up and touches him and then sits down close to our table and stares at him the whole time. It's so sweet and creepy all at once.
I hope he always has an interest in trying new foods b/c that is so important to us both. You can learn so much about different cultures by their foods.
Cyclo is a must in our restaurant repertoire and if you've never been....you must!
And say hello to the old woman for Kaleb :)

More potty talk

Well, if anyone needs a urine sample from Kaleb they could easily find it on the floor of Jeepers Indoor Amusement Park in Mesa, AZ. *sigh*

Let's just say Thursday didn't go as well as I had hoped.

But thinking back on it, it was completely my fault. Did I really expect my 2 year old that had only been potty training for 3 days to stop riding the train, carousel, toy boats, motorcycles or huge tunnel playground and come tell me, "Mama, please take me to the bathroom, I need to PEE!!"
It's times like that I think I have lost all my braincells to this new babe growing inside me...seriously.
Since then, I learned my lesson and (thanks to the advice of my wise friend, Ashley)I don't have to be such a stickler to the rule of ABSOLUTELY NO DIAPERS NO MATTER WHAT. After all, Julie Fellom (the woman who's potty training program I am following) doesn't have to clean up after him.
So now, anytime we leave the house I make him potty right before we leave, put a diaper on him and then just take him to the potty several times when we are out.
That way, if he has an accident-the diaper comes to the rescue and Mommy is a little less stressed! Ok, A LOT less stressed...

He did great today! Absolutely NO ACCIDENTS!! NONE! And everytime we came home and I took off his diaper-it was dry!!

This little man is getting it, and I couldn't be more proud. I know there is still a LONG road ahead and he will have his accidents here and there but I will celebrate his amazing progress in such a short time and leave it at that.

I will also leave you with this picture...I think it speaks not only to Kaleb's love of music but also that he is pretty much taking this whole potty training thing in stride. Wow, I love this kid.

The Potty Don't Stop

Yesterday was filled with it's own struggles. Both of us were incredibly cranky from staying inside for 2 days and let's just say we had a little after lunch "incident" that almost left both of us crying. I'll spare you all the details, but basically Kaleb threw a tantrum that landed him in his room directly after lunch and since he hadn't gone potty since before lunch, he decided to retaliate and pee all over his bedroom floor.
Score-
Kaleb:1 Mommy:0

The rest of the day was much better though...including when Kaleb saved his 30 minute poop session for after his Daddy came home ;-)
Fortunately that was it for Day 2.
Grand total for that day:
Poops in potty: 3
Pees in potty: lost count
1 pee accident (but really on purpose) ha!

Today actually has been so great. Kaleb takes himself to the potty, claps for himself and tells me play-by-play what is occuring while he's on his big white throne. He's done really well, much better than I anticipated. We even ventured outside for a couple of hours this morning and he told me he needed to pee so we came back inside.
Then later in the evening we went to dinner, just the two of us b/c Alf was working late. When we sat down to eat, I heard Kaleb say "Uh oh, Mama!" and I noticed a wet spot down the front of his shorts.
After a quick change of clothes and wash session in the bathroom, we were back in business. Now at least he knows what it feels like to pee on himself and it's not a good thing!

Grand total for today:
Poops in potty: 3
Pees in potty: 11 (he is getting better at holding it, too!)
and 1 pee accident

The real test will be tomorrow though. We are meeting some friends and their kids for a playdate and lunch that will last at least 2 hours. Hopefully he won't feel the need to christen the floor. :-)
Stay tuned...

It's Pot-ty Time Y'all!!

Sometimes I think I'm crazy but I prefer to call myself....ambitious. That just sounds better anyway. By all accounts, boys are way harder to potty train than girls and the average age for boys to be potty trained is 3. Kaleb is only 2 and 4 months. Not to mention I am WEEKS away (6 to be exact or anytime in between) from giving birth to another bouncing baby boy. gulp.

But the thought of having only one child in diapers makes me giddy sooooooo what I am doing this week?? Staying cooped up in my house with a rambunctious toddler and attempting to get him to go poop and pee in the potty and not on my floor/couch/bed or anywhere else his naked hiney will take him.

Today actually went way better than I expected. I took off his diaper as soon as he woke up, put a portable potty in the living room and a toddler potty seat on top of both toilets in each of our bathrooms and prayed for patience.
Kaleb was into it from the start. He loves sitting on the potty and watching himself go. After a successful morning poo and several pees in the potty, I must admit I was getting a little arrogant. Why do people say this is so hard?

Then it happened.

I got distracted while on the phone with my Mom and the next thing I know Kaleb is painting our living room rug with urine. I tried to not make a big deal of it, quickly cleaning it up and reminding him where the pee goes. He must've been listening b/c not twenty minutes later he told me he wanted to go to the potty so he wouldn't "Go pee on da floor, Mama."

By the end of a long day, the grand total was 3 poops in the potty, I honestly lost count of the number of pees and only 2 pee accidents.
Not too shabby for a first day!! Let's see what tomorrow brings...

Maternity photo shoot

I wasn't up for taking traditional maternity pics this time around...I guess I had kind of a "been there/done that" mentality about it. But my amazing friend, Liz, came to the rescue!! She is such a great photographer and it's been fun watching her grow to find her own personal style through the years.
She found this graffiti wall in downtown Chandler and was dying to try it out! I am so unbelievably happy with how the pics turned out.
Here are a few of the shots I love:

The last couple of months in pics!!

Ok, I have been SLAAAACKING on this blog thang....we have been to Texas, San Francisco and we just celebrated my 3rd Mother's Day!! I honestly cannot believe I am about to be a Mommy to another little precious dude in just 2 1/2 months. My life will change in so many ways. Good ways though! Here are just a few of my fave pics!
Enjoy!

Kaleb and his cousin HANK!

Love me some Hank!

Kaleb and I with his Great Grandpa!!

Daddy come with me to the water!

K and I at sunset

M Day at Ocotillo Country Club

She's crafty

I am so excited to say that I sold my first tie T-shirt!! I have been making them for awhile for Kaleb and some of my friend's little boys but this is my first actual sale!
Yippee!

I feel so.....CRAFTY!

It feels good to enjoy doing something AND to get paid for it!
Hmmm, a new business perhaps? Maybe. Maybe not.
I think I will have to become a lot more familiar with my sewing machine and expand the clothing line a bit before a business even becomes a consideration.

After all, not everyone can wear tie T-shirts.

Well, not everyone can wear tie T-shirts and look this cute anyway ;-)

Weekend Funny

Kaleb: "Momma, I need medicine."

Me: "Oh, no. What's wrong? Why do you need medicine?"

Kaleb: (with one hand on his forehead, the other on his chest and the most pouty lips known to man)

"I need medicine cuz I huwt my feewings."


Where do they get this stuff?? :-)

L-O-S-T

I have lifted up every cushion, every toy, every bed skirt, looked in every drawer, every cabinet and every corner.....
Alf sorted through the trash, checked all the diapers in the diaper pail (yikes) and well, it's just gone.
I realized today that I don't even have a photo of it. It's now just a memory of a commitment I made almost 7 1/2 years ago.

Goodbye wedding ring. Maybe someday we will meet again...
But for now, I will file a claim for you and buy something else sparkly and new.
Don't worry though, you'll always be my first.

What's in a Name?

When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't even consider picking out a boy name. Stupid, right? I was so set on having a little Sophia, there was no reason I needed to have a boy name waiting in the wings. There was ONLY a 50% chance of having another boy anyway. ;-)

Well, one penis and a pair of testicles later...here we are!!

Alf and I knew immediately we wanted another K name. Why?
Because we are cheesy like that.
After all, Alf and I are AG squared so we wanted the boys to be KG squared!

We looked on website after website, thumbed through baby name books and finally stumbled on a name that we both immediately loved. Not only because it's not a name you hear everyday but also because of it's meaning.

So here it is.....we are excited to meet baby

KIERAN!!

He will be our little ray of light...

Saying good-bye to Sophia

This week has been...quite a week. An emotional see-saw of sorts.
We found out on Tuesday that we are having another boy. While this news brings great excitement to our family, it also brought me an unexpected amount of tears.

Like 4 days of tears.

Not because I don't want a boy, of course, but because I now know that I won't ever have a girl. We are done having children after this baby boy is born.
Even though I kind of always knew in my heart of hearts that I would have two boys, I still held out hope for a little Sophia. A little baby girl to call my own.
My friend Ashley said it so perfectly...you can separate the love you have for the life growing inside you and the grief you feel for the girl you won't ever know.

As soon as I got up from the table after the sonogram, I went in the bathroom and cried. And trying to pee in a cup while you are crying your eyes out is not easy, ladies! I knew I would be sad, but I didn't really know how sad I would be. It just felt so final...so matter-of-fact. Probably because it is.

I pulled myself together to go back into the waiting room to meet up with my boys. Alf kissed me and asked if I was ok. I lied and told him I was fine.
Later that night I broke down again. I knew at that point that this would be a much bigger struggle for me than I had anticipated. And here we are 4 days later and the tears still come easy.

I know I need to let myself feel the way I feel and not feel guilty about it, but I do. There are so many people that would love to have one healthy child, much less two, no matter what the sex. But my reality is different than anyone else's and I know that these feelings will eventually pass. It will just take time.

For now I will allow myself to grieve...
I will let go of the hope of sharing a mother-daughter relationship, I will give away the two dresses that I kept in the new baby's closet (just in case), I will stop looking at mixed-Asian girls and wondering if that is what Sophia would look like, I will tell her good-bye and tuck her away in my dreams. For good.

For the record, I think she would've gotten Alf's dark skin and silky, black hair and she would've been a knockout! ;-)

Yummy! (lick)

Yummy! (lick)

I could have watched him eat his cupcake all night. He savored every lick of the icing.

"Momma, you some?" he offered. "No baby, it's ok. I'm having too much fun watching you eat it."


When I went in to get him from his crib the morning before (his actual birthday), he was already awake and in a very good mood. I took the four red balloons from my arms, tossed them into his crib and shouted, "Happy Birthday, Kaleb! You are 2 years old today!!"

He smiled and said "Ba-oots!" (balloons) He loves balloons. Every time we are anywhere (Target, Wal-mart, Fry's) he manages to find that one stray balloon stuck on the ceiling in the corner of the room and questions how it got so high. I knew balloons for his birthday would be a major hit.

I took him into the kitchen to get his morning milk and he smiled when he saw his Happy Birthday banner hanging on the wall.
"Momma, dat mine?" he asked. "Yes, that's yours. It says, 'Happy Birthday'. Do you like it?"
"Pufect." he answered.
That conversation will forever be etched on my heart. What a sweet response from a sweet little birthday boy.

The rest of the day consisted of a playdate with my Mom's group and their little ones where we had cake and sang happy birthday to him. He was delighted. (Oh and I have to mention, the cake was not just any cake...it was made with love by his Daddy! It was red velvet with vanilla icing and it was good!)
When we went home, I let him open a couple of gifts. But for the rest of day, he only wanted to play with his ba-oots. (of course)

The following day was his birthday party. All of his buddies were there...there was pizza, cupcakes and pure mayhem. Just as a 2 year old's birthday should be. Everything had come together so well and I couldn't have done without the help of my hubby and my girlfriend, Janae. Thank you both so much!! It was such a great birthday party!

When I watched him down his 2nd cupcake that night, I starting reminiscing about the last couple of days. It came and went so fast. I tried to make mental notes of all the things I didn't want to forget...
His face, his voice, his excitement and his laughter. He will never be this age, this way again. I started to tear up as I glanced back at him, still enjoying that cupcake. I hope I can make every birthday, every year, special for him. So that when he thinks back about times like this, only one word will come to mind...

PUFECT.

A look back...

Our baby boy is one week and 3 days away from celebrating his 2nd birthday.
His 2ND birthday!!
Where did my baby go?
The coos, the little hands and feet, that big bald head...

Honestly, the baby phase was not my favorite time.

This....THIS is my favorite time.



We have conversations.
He laughs at my funny antics and I laugh at his.



He helps me take care of the dogs with a few extra treats.



He even shares his Dolce Vita mango sorbet with me. And for an almost 2 year old, that is how you express your love without ever having to say it.

I love you my precious baby boy.
I can't wait to celebrate another year of your life.

Juice Anyone?

Doctors say you should eat your fruits and drink your veggies. Well, we have definitely been eating our fruits but veggies-not so much.
Until now...

We got a JUICER!!
And I love it! It's a Breville and it's so easy to use. It's also easy to clean and if you so desire, you can save the pulp it creates and use it in breads or other yummy recipes. (so I haven't gotten to that part yet, but give me some time!;-)

Here was our first juice recipe:

4 Granny Smith Apples
3 Carrots
3 Celery Stalks



And here was the result:



About 20 oz. of sweet goodness...yum!
Kaleb however was not so thrilled. After taking a sip, he said "I no like that."
Mmmm, maybe something sweeter next time.

I love V8 juice so I decided to try to make my own and this is what the recipe called for:

2 large tomatos
1 cucumber
1 bunch parsley
3 carrots





The result was NOT V8!! It was thin and bitter, I think from the parsley and Alf and I both had to choke it down.
Why? Because that's what you do when you just destroyed $10 worth of produce. ;-)

Now I need help! Anyone have a fruit/veggie combo that they love?
I am thinking of trying a strawberry, pineapple and carrot mix next.
I think Kaleb would love that one-bring on the sweet!!

Lame

Lame.
That's the word I would use to describe myself lately.
I don't cook, I certainly don't clean. I haven't made much of an effort with my friends lately and my husband told me tonight that he was going to go get ingredients at the store so he could make himself some banana bread and fresh pico de gallo. (not together, of course) He knew I wasn't going to do it! Poor guy.

*Sigh*

Honestly, all I want to do is sit on the couch and sleep or eat. Let me put it this way-it took an act of Congress for me to do just two loads of laundry today. Oh and the second load is still in the dryer.
But, I have an excuse....really I do.

There's a baby in my belly!!

Yep, I am 12 weeks preggo. Baby Garcia debuts on Aug 2nd, give or take some days. And although I have managed to escape the extreme nausea I had while I was pregnant with Kaleb, I still feel like I have been hit by a bus for most of the day.
The good news is I should start feeling more like myself soon because I'm entering my second trimester.
But for now, my house will remain dirty, my husband will stay hungry and my couch cushions will have my butt imprint temporarily etched in them.

And you know what? It's ok. For now. It know it won't last forever.

I will let myself relax, eat and dream of what this baby will be like. I will watch Kaleb play and think about what a good big brother he will be. I will take long naps with him and read him lots of books. I will sit next to him while he watches Wonder Pets and watch him smile at all his favorite parts. I will pick out moments in each day and vow to never forget them.
Actually, I can't think of a better way to spend this time.

Although I could clean up a little ;-)

Kisses for Kaleb

A few years back, Alf and I decided we would make it a priority in our relationship to always greet each other with a kiss when either of us returns home. It is a simple way to show our affection and it can do wonders to lift our spirits if we've had a bad day. We also decided we would always kiss each other goodbye every time we leave the house. Lots of kisses have become a Garcia family tradition and we have tried to maintain it as best we can (through the fights and all!) ;-)
In the last two years, Kaleb has picked up on all this kissing business and is quite a fan. The other night Alf was going to run to the store really quick for a couple of things and thought it would just be easier to slip out while Kaleb and I were playing. As soon as Kaleb noticed Alf putting on his shoes, he bolted for the garage door screaming, "Daddy, Daddy-Kiss, Kiss!" Alf, smiling at his boy's request, scooped him up in his arms and laid one on him. When Alf put him down, Kaleb then turned to me, pointed and said "Kiss Momma!" to which Alf was happy to oblige.
It was such a sweet, special moment that will forever be etched in my brain.
My hope for him is that one day he too will greet his wife and his kids with those same loving kisses. But for now, I will enjoy them all for myself...
Oh and I'll share them with Alf occasionally. ;-)