On this rainy Saturday, I am reflective and thankful for a lot....
The new buds on our trees because it means spring is on it's way.
A little boy that wipes his peanut butter hands on his shirt because it means he has enough to eat.
A baby boy that spits up on my newly washed shirt because it means he has too much to eat.
A husband that has to send emails and make phone calls on a "family day" because it means he has a job.
A rainbow in the distance because it means that God keeps His promises and we are loved.
The rain and the dark clouds that come with it because it makes the sunshine just that much sweeter....
What are you thankful for??
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
Struggling >> A Note From the Hubby
I have been struggling lately in coming to terms with how such a wicked and morally challenged person has been so blessed.
I read article-after-article of the atrocities and injustices that our fellow man, woman and child experience everyday with no fault other than being born in the wrong village, wrong city, wrong country, wrong continent…at the wrong time.
I read book-after-book of brave, righteous and graceful human beings, which have endured not only loss of financial means but also loss of family, loss of faith, loss of love…loss of dignity.
And I ask myself, why me?
Many of you reading this are fully aware of what I have done to my wife. To commit the ultimate of ultimate betrayals, and yet…she loves me.
Why?
To embrace my eldest son and him trust me implicitly, to do the right thing, to love me unconditionally, to believe that I am HIS superman.
Why?
To hold my baby boy and him gaze upon my figure with the naiveté that comes with a baby, but with piercing eyes that say, I know you and I love you.
Why?
To be clear, I am a wicked and morally challenged human being. Only by the grace of God and the grace of Family and Friends, am I here today. It’s only by this grace that I am not in prison or dead. So again, I ask the eternal question that many of us ask ourselves at one point in our lives…why me?
Not in the sense of Why Me, as in some horrible and tragic event has transpired, but in the sense of why am I blessed? Maybe it is the Catholic in me and the inherent guilt many of us “recovering” Catholics have burdened, but I believe the root lies far deeper.
I struggle…
Every day, I struggle to make the right decisions, to make the right choices not because there is a penalty for doing the wrong “thing”, but to make the right decisions and make the right choices because they are RIGHT.
Christians always say that God knows our hearts…this scares the S**T out of me. Is it enough for God to know that I struggle and within the struggle is the beauty and forgiveness?
You may be asking why am I posting this existential, quasi-nihilistic rhetoric on a family blog…it is because of what I have learned.
The answer to the Why is…
To be the Husband, Amy deserves.
To be the Father, Kaleb and Kieran deserve.
To be the Son, Laura and Alfredo deserve.
To be the Brother, Pamela, Jeremy and Lawrence deserve.
To be the Grandson, Lilia deserves.
To be the Friend, you all deserve.
To be the Son, that God planned for me to be.
I am blessed, despite my past and my struggles, so that I may share my blessings.
I cannot control the genocides that occur in Africa and South East Asia. I cannot control the unemployment rate in this country and the rest of the world. I cannot control the social and political polarization of this country. I cannot control the myriad of other injustice, hate, evil and indifference in this world.
I can barely control myself.
What I can control, however, is being the person that I need to be…the person that my family needs me to be.
To my wife, I love you.
I love you more than the contrived show of my proposal.
I love you more than any ring on your finger.
I love you more than any words spoken on August 17, 2002.
I love you more than any trip, to any country.
I love you more than the Easy Decision.
I will love you until the day I go home.
To my eldest son, I love you.
I love you more than an infinite parade of balloons.
I love you more than Ube Ice Cream.
I love you more than a Strawberry Tootsie Roll Pop.
I love you more than a trip to the Golf Store.
I love you more than the Wrong Decision.
I will love you until the day I go home.
To my baby boy, I love you.
I love you more than a Sophie squeaky toy.
I love you more than new animal bed sheets.
I love you more than a Bumbo.
I love you more than a fluffy, giraffe blanket.
I love you more than the Wrong Choice.
I will love you until the day I go home.
To myself, I’ll try to love you.
I’ll love you despite the mistakes you’ve made.
I’ll love you despite the mistakes you’re making.
I’ll love you despite the mistakes you’re going to make.
I’ll love you despite the pain you’ve caused.
I’ll love you because Amy, Kaleb, Kieran, Laura, Alfredo, Pamela, Jeremy, Lawrence, Lilia and countless of other people love you.
I’ll love you because God does.
Thank you for bearing with me.
-Alf
I read article-after-article of the atrocities and injustices that our fellow man, woman and child experience everyday with no fault other than being born in the wrong village, wrong city, wrong country, wrong continent…at the wrong time.
I read book-after-book of brave, righteous and graceful human beings, which have endured not only loss of financial means but also loss of family, loss of faith, loss of love…loss of dignity.
And I ask myself, why me?
Many of you reading this are fully aware of what I have done to my wife. To commit the ultimate of ultimate betrayals, and yet…she loves me.
Why?
To embrace my eldest son and him trust me implicitly, to do the right thing, to love me unconditionally, to believe that I am HIS superman.
Why?
To hold my baby boy and him gaze upon my figure with the naiveté that comes with a baby, but with piercing eyes that say, I know you and I love you.
Why?
To be clear, I am a wicked and morally challenged human being. Only by the grace of God and the grace of Family and Friends, am I here today. It’s only by this grace that I am not in prison or dead. So again, I ask the eternal question that many of us ask ourselves at one point in our lives…why me?
Not in the sense of Why Me, as in some horrible and tragic event has transpired, but in the sense of why am I blessed? Maybe it is the Catholic in me and the inherent guilt many of us “recovering” Catholics have burdened, but I believe the root lies far deeper.
I struggle…
Every day, I struggle to make the right decisions, to make the right choices not because there is a penalty for doing the wrong “thing”, but to make the right decisions and make the right choices because they are RIGHT.
Christians always say that God knows our hearts…this scares the S**T out of me. Is it enough for God to know that I struggle and within the struggle is the beauty and forgiveness?
You may be asking why am I posting this existential, quasi-nihilistic rhetoric on a family blog…it is because of what I have learned.
The answer to the Why is…
To be the Husband, Amy deserves.
To be the Father, Kaleb and Kieran deserve.
To be the Son, Laura and Alfredo deserve.
To be the Brother, Pamela, Jeremy and Lawrence deserve.
To be the Grandson, Lilia deserves.
To be the Friend, you all deserve.
To be the Son, that God planned for me to be.
I am blessed, despite my past and my struggles, so that I may share my blessings.
I cannot control the genocides that occur in Africa and South East Asia. I cannot control the unemployment rate in this country and the rest of the world. I cannot control the social and political polarization of this country. I cannot control the myriad of other injustice, hate, evil and indifference in this world.
I can barely control myself.
What I can control, however, is being the person that I need to be…the person that my family needs me to be.
To my wife, I love you.
I love you more than the contrived show of my proposal.
I love you more than any ring on your finger.
I love you more than any words spoken on August 17, 2002.
I love you more than any trip, to any country.
I love you more than the Easy Decision.
I will love you until the day I go home.
To my eldest son, I love you.
I love you more than an infinite parade of balloons.
I love you more than Ube Ice Cream.
I love you more than a Strawberry Tootsie Roll Pop.
I love you more than a trip to the Golf Store.
I love you more than the Wrong Decision.
I will love you until the day I go home.
To my baby boy, I love you.
I love you more than a Sophie squeaky toy.
I love you more than new animal bed sheets.
I love you more than a Bumbo.
I love you more than a fluffy, giraffe blanket.
I love you more than the Wrong Choice.
I will love you until the day I go home.
To myself, I’ll try to love you.
I’ll love you despite the mistakes you’ve made.
I’ll love you despite the mistakes you’re making.
I’ll love you despite the mistakes you’re going to make.
I’ll love you despite the pain you’ve caused.
I’ll love you because Amy, Kaleb, Kieran, Laura, Alfredo, Pamela, Jeremy, Lawrence, Lilia and countless of other people love you.
I’ll love you because God does.
Thank you for bearing with me.
-Alf
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