final countdown

It's 9:39pm on Friday night and I'm 10 days out from my due date. I have had roughly 20 contractions off and on all day. There for a few hours they were pretty consistent and I started to panic. It's really about to happen. If not today, someday and someday SOON!

If I am honest, there is still a part of me that wants to hold onto this life I know now. Just me, Alf and Kaleb.

We have it down....

We know each other. We get each other and it...well, works.
Kaleb is so easy now. He sleeps well, he eats well, he's almost potty trained and he's just plain fun.
Selfishly, I'm not ready to give myself up to someone else. To give up my body to crazy pain and recovery, to give up my sleep, my routine, my comfort. I keep telling myself it will be easier this time, that I won't experience the same pitfalls and problems.

But I'm scared.

My mind is catapulted back to 2 1/2 years ago and the anxiety creeps in. I try to push it away but it wants to stay like an unwelcomed guest.
The first few months of Kaleb's life were very difficult for me, for us. We didn't adjust well quickly to being new parents and I don't think I ever fully dealt with those emotions. And now here I am, only DAYS away from giving birth to another little one and it's hitting me. hard.

This is just one of the many things I have to give over to God, b/c I have no control over what's about to happen. The only thing I have control over is how I react to what happens.

In my heart, I know that everything in the end will be fine. That I will power through it and we will love this little man just as much as we love and adore Kaleb. It's just the process of getting to that point.

I feel guilty even rereading what I've typed but I had to get it out. I have to be real. I have to be me.

Your Hands by JJ Heller

I can't stop listening to this song...what a comfort to know that no matter what we go through, we are forever held in God's hands.

Pho Sho!!

Kaleb wants to use chopsticks for everything and when I say everything...I mean, even his waffles. So when we introduced him to the Vietnamese dish, Pho, he was on it like white on rice.
Any excuse to use chopsticks and slurp soup, please!
This is a pic of him at our new fave place, Cyclo. There is an old woman that works there and she LOVES Kaleb. She always comes up and touches him and then sits down close to our table and stares at him the whole time. It's so sweet and creepy all at once.
I hope he always has an interest in trying new foods b/c that is so important to us both. You can learn so much about different cultures by their foods.
Cyclo is a must in our restaurant repertoire and if you've never been....you must!
And say hello to the old woman for Kaleb :)