Free

That Saturday was the best day. In fact, it was one of the best days I have had in a really, really long time. Not because of any spectacular occurrence but mainly because of the realization I had.

It started out with a family photo session at Freestone Park with my friend, Liz. She is so easy to be around and just makes me laugh. Kaleb was totally in his element so he was extremely cooperative and cute as could be. The pictures all turned out so great.

That afternoon, I decided to brave the mall for a MUCH needed shopping trip. I hurried from store to store almost like something was after me. It was the first time I had been shopping by myself in ages and I was not about to let any cute top/dress/shorts or shoes go unnoticed.
After about an hour, I started to drag....so I made my way to the food court. As I inhaled my lunch, I paused to notice all the people around me. Most were families, tyring to feed their kids lunch and chasing them around the food court simultaneously. I couldn't help but be joyful that I was without child, peacefully enjoying my sodium rich mall food and not having a care in the world (except maybe how big the shoe sale was going to be at Nordstrom's).

Then there were the "others", sitting alone watching the chaos unfold around them. I started to wonder what their lives were like...do they have a significant other, a child at home just like me or were they really all alone? Was this their Saturday outing only to step foot back into a home, quiet and empty?

As I finished up my shopping that day and headed home, I couldn't stop thinking about those people. Did they choose that life? Was it chosen for them? Would they rather just be alone than have to deal with the struggles of taking care of a family?
In some ways, for a moment I must admit-I envied them. Only having to think of themselves, being able to do whatever they want to do anytime they want to do it. No nap schedules, no diapers and no resistance from a spouse. Just free....

I drove and drove and lost myself in thought. I also turned up the radio really, really loud because that's what I can't do with my monkey in the car. I pulled into the driveway and prepared myself to be a wife and mom once again, putting my needs aside and thinking mostly of my boys. Upon entering the house, I heard the squeal of 14 month old and saw the smile of an amazing man. All the envy for those people quickly dissipated.
I was home. It was not quiet, it was far from empty and yet I felt incredibly free...