Happy Easter

What a fun weekend spent with great friends!!
Friday evening we went to dinner with our friends Brad and Whitney (Whitney was my little Sis at OU) and they are expecting twin boys in early August!! I couldn't be happier for them!

Saturday I got to see with Janae who I hadn't hung out with since her birthday....always a great time!

Today was Easter and we went to Easter service with my friend, Jill and her family. I got to meet her brother, Scott and his fiance', Jen...what an awesome family. We had a delicious brunch at Cork and to top it off, Kaleb and Ethan are just too cute together. They love to hold hands and give each other hugs-it's adorable to watch. Such great buddies!

I was humbled by our service today and pondered what this day truly means.

Thank you God for the gift of Jesus and Your promised fulfilled in the empty tomb. On this day and every day may our hearts never be empty but rather filled with the joy, faith and hope of what is to come.

Not really random at all....

I try to look each day for inspiration.....in a poem, a Bible verse, a sunset. Some days it's harder to find than others. But tonight, it was sitting right across the table from me. When most people plan their birthdays, it's all about them. After all, they are celebrating THEIR birth so, rightly so! They plan a spa day complete with a massage and pedi, a shopping day, dinner and drinks with friends and the like. But not her.... One of my dearest besties, Janae was dreading turning thirty...well, something or other this year. Instead of doing all the things listed above and crossing yet another day off her calendar she decided to do something different. Very different. She devoted her entire birthday to doing thirty (some-odd) random acts of kindness. She took water bottles to construction workers and homeless people, she took balloons to kids at the park, she even took handmade cards to an elderly care center and children's hospital, you name it and she had her kindness all OVER IT! What an amazing example she has set for all of us to look outside ourselves for a moment and to try to do things for other people. This is not surprising though coming from her. Janae has always been one of the kindest, most caring people I have ever known. Her kindness is anything but random. JJ-I was honored to get to get to spend an evening with you to share in your special day. Thanks for sharing your heart with others at a time in your life when no one would blame you for being a little selfish. You are such an inspiration to me and all those around you. You are kind to your core and that is one of the many reasons I love you!! MUAH! Check out a recap of her day here!!

it's raining....

On this rainy Saturday, I am reflective and thankful for a lot....

The new buds on our trees because it means spring is on it's way.

A little boy that wipes his peanut butter hands on his shirt because it means he has enough to eat.

A baby boy that spits up on my newly washed shirt because it means he has too much to eat.

A husband that has to send emails and make phone calls on a "family day" because it means he has a job.

A rainbow in the distance because it means that God keeps His promises and we are loved.

The rain and the dark clouds that come with it because it makes the sunshine just that much sweeter....

What are you thankful for??

Struggling >> A Note From the Hubby

I have been struggling lately in coming to terms with how such a wicked and morally challenged person has been so blessed.

I read article-after-article of the atrocities and injustices that our fellow man, woman and child experience everyday with no fault other than being born in the wrong village, wrong city, wrong country, wrong continent…at the wrong time.

I read book-after-book of brave, righteous and graceful human beings, which have endured not only loss of financial means but also loss of family, loss of faith, loss of love…loss of dignity.

And I ask myself, why me?

Many of you reading this are fully aware of what I have done to my wife. To commit the ultimate of ultimate betrayals, and yet…she loves me.

Why?

To embrace my eldest son and him trust me implicitly, to do the right thing, to love me unconditionally, to believe that I am HIS superman.

Why?

To hold my baby boy and him gaze upon my figure with the naiveté that comes with a baby, but with piercing eyes that say, I know you and I love you.

Why?

To be clear, I am a wicked and morally challenged human being. Only by the grace of God and the grace of Family and Friends, am I here today. It’s only by this grace that I am not in prison or dead. So again, I ask the eternal question that many of us ask ourselves at one point in our lives…why me?

Not in the sense of Why Me, as in some horrible and tragic event has transpired, but in the sense of why am I blessed? Maybe it is the Catholic in me and the inherent guilt many of us “recovering” Catholics have burdened, but I believe the root lies far deeper.

I struggle…

Every day, I struggle to make the right decisions, to make the right choices not because there is a penalty for doing the wrong “thing”, but to make the right decisions and make the right choices because they are RIGHT.

Christians always say that God knows our hearts…this scares the S**T out of me. Is it enough for God to know that I struggle and within the struggle is the beauty and forgiveness?

You may be asking why am I posting this existential, quasi-nihilistic rhetoric on a family blog…it is because of what I have learned.

The answer to the Why is…

To be the Husband, Amy deserves.
To be the Father, Kaleb and Kieran deserve.
To be the Son, Laura and Alfredo deserve.
To be the Brother, Pamela, Jeremy and Lawrence deserve.
To be the Grandson, Lilia deserves.
To be the Friend, you all deserve.

To be the Son, that God planned for me to be.

I am blessed, despite my past and my struggles, so that I may share my blessings.

I cannot control the genocides that occur in Africa and South East Asia. I cannot control the unemployment rate in this country and the rest of the world. I cannot control the social and political polarization of this country. I cannot control the myriad of other injustice, hate, evil and indifference in this world.

I can barely control myself.

What I can control, however, is being the person that I need to be…the person that my family needs me to be.

To my wife, I love you.

I love you more than the contrived show of my proposal.
I love you more than any ring on your finger.
I love you more than any words spoken on August 17, 2002.
I love you more than any trip, to any country.
I love you more than the Easy Decision.
I will love you until the day I go home.

To my eldest son, I love you.

I love you more than an infinite parade of balloons.
I love you more than Ube Ice Cream.
I love you more than a Strawberry Tootsie Roll Pop.
I love you more than a trip to the Golf Store.
I love you more than the Wrong Decision.
I will love you until the day I go home.

To my baby boy, I love you.

I love you more than a Sophie squeaky toy.
I love you more than new animal bed sheets.
I love you more than a Bumbo.
I love you more than a fluffy, giraffe blanket.
I love you more than the Wrong Choice.
I will love you until the day I go home.

To myself, I’ll try to love you.

I’ll love you despite the mistakes you’ve made.
I’ll love you despite the mistakes you’re making.
I’ll love you despite the mistakes you’re going to make.
I’ll love you despite the pain you’ve caused.

I’ll love you because Amy, Kaleb, Kieran, Laura, Alfredo, Pamela, Jeremy, Lawrence, Lilia and countless of other people love you.

I’ll love you because God does.

Thank you for bearing with me.
-Alf

I killed McQueen...

Lightning McQueen, that is...

He was driving me crazy! With those big white eyes always staring at me when I walked by. And that goofy smile...cars are not supposed to smile! He would sit in the corner of our dining room and scare me at night when I least expected it. I waited and waited for him to die on his own but he simply wouldn't. 31 days he lived. 31 days too long. I had to do it.

When Kaleb went to sleep on Friday, I saw my opportunity. Maybe he wouldn't even notice. So I took out my scissors and I did it. It was fast, he didn't even scream that much.

Good-bye Lightning...you were so good to my boy but you had to go.



And Kaleb didn't even notice he was gone....



until he threw away the wrapper to his fruit rope. Oops!

Labor of Love

I always laugh when I watch those scenes in movies where a woman's water breaks and she immediately starts contracting every 2 minutes like it's time to start pushing.
I guess in the interest of time, I get it...but it still annoys me.
My experience was MUCH different than that.

Around noon on Saturday, July 24th, I was helping carry baby shower gifts to my friend Meghan's car when it happened. Yes, I was at a baby shower when I felt a trickle run down my leg. My first thought was...
oh great! Am I really at that point in my pregnancy that I am starting to pee on myself??
Then it occured to me...I can't stop this pee! Maybe it's not PEE at all!!

I remember looking at my friend, Liz and saying "I think my water just broke!"
And that was all I remember...the rest was a blurred mixture of screams, gasps, Ashley looking up my skirt to see if it did infact break (this I didn't find out until later!ha!) and ended with Meghan driving my car to my house for me so I could go to the hospital.

I couldn't get ahold of Alf b/c he had turned off his ringer so he and Kaleb could enjoy an afternoon nap.

**Note to husbands out there: TURNING OFF YOUR PHONE WHEN YOUR WIFE IS 9 MONTHS PREGNANT AND COULD POP AT ANY MOMENT IS NEVER A GOOD IDEA.

When I walked in the door and Alf heard what happened, he freaked. I don't know who was more nervous/anxious/excited...him or me! Before I knew it, water was gushing all over our dining room floor, Kaleb was with Liz and we were headed to the hospital. (Thank you Liz!!)

Once we checked in at Mercy-Gilbert, the nerves settled and we had a nice little conversation with a couple in the waiting room. I was wheeled back into an exam room and waited for the interrogation to begin. The questions they ask you are so bizarre. I remember thinking...would they be asking me this stuff if I was in very active labor? Because they would probably hear some choice 4 letter words for answers.

I totally forgot I still had a beach towel stuck in between my legs until a nurse pulled it out and said...I don't think we'll need this anymore. Then she proceeded to give me a mattress pad to put between my legs. Those bad boys mean business...nothing is getting past those!
Alf and I talked and laughed, we sent some texts, talked to nurses and I had yet to have a single contraction. When I heard the word "Pitocin" I knew that was about to change....this was about 3:30pm.

About 4pm I was hooked up to a Pitocin drip and the contractions started almost immediately. I tried to lay back and relax and Alf started a movie in our room. I didn't get through 15 min of it before I started feeling the contractions. After the second one, I called the nurse and asked if I could have an epidural. (I know, I'm a total weenie!) I was already dilated to a 4 so she was happy to oblige.

The anesthesiologist was a DREAM...so gentle and very cute to boot! Then, after he gave me the happy stuff he asked if he could pray with us. Ummm, YES! His prayer was so perfect and it was exactly what I needed to help me feel grounded and prepare myself for labor. After he left, it wasn't long before I was dilated to a 7.

And then, it started.

First it was just a little itch on my tummy. Then I started itching on my back. Then it became uncontrollable itching all over my body. I scratched and scratched until my skin was raw. I called in the nurse and told her what was going on. She said I was having an allergic reaction to the epidural and she could give me benadryl for it but it could affect Kieran. I wasn't up for anything affecting my little man, so I suffered through it. She wet a rag for me and I just kept wiping my tummy (which was where it was the worst). My whole body was red from me scratching and I really could've hurt myself considering I couldn't tell how hard I was scratching from the waist down!

It seemed like the nurse only came back in a couple more times before she said it was time to start pushing. I couldn't believe it. But I've only been in labor for like 5 hours....it's only 9:30pm. How can it be time to start pushing?
I was in labor for almost 26 hours with Kaleb, so you can imagine my amazement :) (yes, you read that right, TWENTY SIX HOURS. good times.)

I pushed for only about 20 minutes and he was out. His big eyes were the first thing I saw. He had them open so wide and when they put him on my chest, he was just staring at me, not making a sound. Everything else faded to black...I couldn't believe he was here. He was wrinkled, he was tiny, he was perfect. I instantly fell head over heels for him. He was so relaxed and so sweet. His demeanor has yet to change. He is such a chill baby. I can't wait to see his little personality, to watch him grow and change. I know it will fly.
And with this being our last, I will try to slow down. Try to take it all in.
The gurgles, the smiles, the baby smell. (sigh)
I could just eat him.

I mean, in just 3 short months, he has already gone from.....

THIS



TO THIS....

My little slice of heaven on earth