The last couple of months in pics!!

Ok, I have been SLAAAACKING on this blog thang....we have been to Texas, San Francisco and we just celebrated my 3rd Mother's Day!! I honestly cannot believe I am about to be a Mommy to another little precious dude in just 2 1/2 months. My life will change in so many ways. Good ways though! Here are just a few of my fave pics!
Enjoy!

Kaleb and his cousin HANK!

Love me some Hank!

Kaleb and I with his Great Grandpa!!

Daddy come with me to the water!

K and I at sunset

M Day at Ocotillo Country Club

She's crafty

I am so excited to say that I sold my first tie T-shirt!! I have been making them for awhile for Kaleb and some of my friend's little boys but this is my first actual sale!
Yippee!

I feel so.....CRAFTY!

It feels good to enjoy doing something AND to get paid for it!
Hmmm, a new business perhaps? Maybe. Maybe not.
I think I will have to become a lot more familiar with my sewing machine and expand the clothing line a bit before a business even becomes a consideration.

After all, not everyone can wear tie T-shirts.

Well, not everyone can wear tie T-shirts and look this cute anyway ;-)

Weekend Funny

Kaleb: "Momma, I need medicine."

Me: "Oh, no. What's wrong? Why do you need medicine?"

Kaleb: (with one hand on his forehead, the other on his chest and the most pouty lips known to man)

"I need medicine cuz I huwt my feewings."


Where do they get this stuff?? :-)

L-O-S-T

I have lifted up every cushion, every toy, every bed skirt, looked in every drawer, every cabinet and every corner.....
Alf sorted through the trash, checked all the diapers in the diaper pail (yikes) and well, it's just gone.
I realized today that I don't even have a photo of it. It's now just a memory of a commitment I made almost 7 1/2 years ago.

Goodbye wedding ring. Maybe someday we will meet again...
But for now, I will file a claim for you and buy something else sparkly and new.
Don't worry though, you'll always be my first.

What's in a Name?

When I found out I was pregnant, I didn't even consider picking out a boy name. Stupid, right? I was so set on having a little Sophia, there was no reason I needed to have a boy name waiting in the wings. There was ONLY a 50% chance of having another boy anyway. ;-)

Well, one penis and a pair of testicles later...here we are!!

Alf and I knew immediately we wanted another K name. Why?
Because we are cheesy like that.
After all, Alf and I are AG squared so we wanted the boys to be KG squared!

We looked on website after website, thumbed through baby name books and finally stumbled on a name that we both immediately loved. Not only because it's not a name you hear everyday but also because of it's meaning.

So here it is.....we are excited to meet baby

KIERAN!!

He will be our little ray of light...

Saying good-bye to Sophia

This week has been...quite a week. An emotional see-saw of sorts.
We found out on Tuesday that we are having another boy. While this news brings great excitement to our family, it also brought me an unexpected amount of tears.

Like 4 days of tears.

Not because I don't want a boy, of course, but because I now know that I won't ever have a girl. We are done having children after this baby boy is born.
Even though I kind of always knew in my heart of hearts that I would have two boys, I still held out hope for a little Sophia. A little baby girl to call my own.
My friend Ashley said it so perfectly...you can separate the love you have for the life growing inside you and the grief you feel for the girl you won't ever know.

As soon as I got up from the table after the sonogram, I went in the bathroom and cried. And trying to pee in a cup while you are crying your eyes out is not easy, ladies! I knew I would be sad, but I didn't really know how sad I would be. It just felt so final...so matter-of-fact. Probably because it is.

I pulled myself together to go back into the waiting room to meet up with my boys. Alf kissed me and asked if I was ok. I lied and told him I was fine.
Later that night I broke down again. I knew at that point that this would be a much bigger struggle for me than I had anticipated. And here we are 4 days later and the tears still come easy.

I know I need to let myself feel the way I feel and not feel guilty about it, but I do. There are so many people that would love to have one healthy child, much less two, no matter what the sex. But my reality is different than anyone else's and I know that these feelings will eventually pass. It will just take time.

For now I will allow myself to grieve...
I will let go of the hope of sharing a mother-daughter relationship, I will give away the two dresses that I kept in the new baby's closet (just in case), I will stop looking at mixed-Asian girls and wondering if that is what Sophia would look like, I will tell her good-bye and tuck her away in my dreams. For good.

For the record, I think she would've gotten Alf's dark skin and silky, black hair and she would've been a knockout! ;-)

Yummy! (lick)

Yummy! (lick)

I could have watched him eat his cupcake all night. He savored every lick of the icing.

"Momma, you some?" he offered. "No baby, it's ok. I'm having too much fun watching you eat it."


When I went in to get him from his crib the morning before (his actual birthday), he was already awake and in a very good mood. I took the four red balloons from my arms, tossed them into his crib and shouted, "Happy Birthday, Kaleb! You are 2 years old today!!"

He smiled and said "Ba-oots!" (balloons) He loves balloons. Every time we are anywhere (Target, Wal-mart, Fry's) he manages to find that one stray balloon stuck on the ceiling in the corner of the room and questions how it got so high. I knew balloons for his birthday would be a major hit.

I took him into the kitchen to get his morning milk and he smiled when he saw his Happy Birthday banner hanging on the wall.
"Momma, dat mine?" he asked. "Yes, that's yours. It says, 'Happy Birthday'. Do you like it?"
"Pufect." he answered.
That conversation will forever be etched on my heart. What a sweet response from a sweet little birthday boy.

The rest of the day consisted of a playdate with my Mom's group and their little ones where we had cake and sang happy birthday to him. He was delighted. (Oh and I have to mention, the cake was not just any cake...it was made with love by his Daddy! It was red velvet with vanilla icing and it was good!)
When we went home, I let him open a couple of gifts. But for the rest of day, he only wanted to play with his ba-oots. (of course)

The following day was his birthday party. All of his buddies were there...there was pizza, cupcakes and pure mayhem. Just as a 2 year old's birthday should be. Everything had come together so well and I couldn't have done without the help of my hubby and my girlfriend, Janae. Thank you both so much!! It was such a great birthday party!

When I watched him down his 2nd cupcake that night, I starting reminiscing about the last couple of days. It came and went so fast. I tried to make mental notes of all the things I didn't want to forget...
His face, his voice, his excitement and his laughter. He will never be this age, this way again. I started to tear up as I glanced back at him, still enjoying that cupcake. I hope I can make every birthday, every year, special for him. So that when he thinks back about times like this, only one word will come to mind...

PUFECT.